We’re delighted to publish the winning entries, and the runners up, from our 2021 short story competition. Young writers from all over Ireland competed for prizes of €250, sponsored by Tertulia Books in association with Spot-Lit EU. The competition’s theme, “Waves”, inspired work of an extremely high standard. The winners were selected by acclaimed YA author and guest judge Deirdre Sullivan. We thank all who entered and we encourage everyone to keep writing.
We will be publishing a story every day this week.
Éabha Coghlan (13) from Dublin was the junior winner with her story Waves.
Waves by Éabha Coghlan
Out of all the places on this gigantic planet, I must admit, never did I think I’d find myself sitting in the office of Professor Annie Murphy, the leading therapist for adolescents with mental health issues on the island of Ireland.
“Hi everyone. My name is Evelyn McCarthy and I have anxiety.”
I stated shyly for the rest of my group, who, judging by the mood of the room, were all about as willing to be there as I was. I heard one boy about my age say he was suffering with depression, and another girl shared that she is battling an eating disorder, but other than that I was fairly zoned out the whole time and just sat playing with my rings. Counting down the minutes until this awful session finished. I know Mam only sent me to this support group because she wanted to help me, and I appreciate it, honestly I do, it’s just I have never been good at describing what I’m feeling. It’s like the words are there but I can’t quite… reach them.
As far as I knew, once our group session ended, we all had one on one sessions with Professor Murphy every week. I thank God every day that mine was straight after group so I could get it over and done with all in one Thursday afternoon. We took turns to say one positive thing that happened to us this week, and then we finished by mumbling our affirmations that we were very clearly forced to say. “I am strong. I am worthy. I am amazing, and I will get through this.” No one in the room ever believed a single word of it though, and it showed.
I sat for ten minutes in the waiting room to let Professor M sort out her things, and then she called me into her office once again. Although this time, the colourful cushions from that afternoon’s group had been removed and left was a singular, purple, somewhat uncomfortable couch that she motioned me to sit on.
“Hi Evelyn! Just wanted to start this session as usual by letting you know that everything you say to me in this room remains 100% confidential and I am here to help you, so you don’t have to be scared or nervous to talk.” She then smiled hugely and I couldn’t help but feel safe. It didn’t stop my heart from beating through my chest or my palms sweating though.
“Okay, thank you” I replied, and smiled back.
Professor Murphy was an attractive, middle aged woman with dark hair and a fringe, and glasses which framed her face nicely. She seemed friendly but I knew better than to trust her before I was positive I could.
“Okay just checking my files aren’t wrong, you are 13 years old, right?”
“Yup, 14 on Tuesday” I smiled. “Oohhhh, very exciting! Birthdays are always fun” the therapist replied. She then remembered what she was supposed to be talking about and her face grew more solemn. “Okay, Evelyn. If you feel as though you can, please try to explain with as much detail as possible why you decided to visit me” It was from this moment on that I knew I could trust her. She seemed too genuine for me to believe any differently.
“I’m really sorry, Professor,-”
“Please, call me Annie, sweetheart” Annie interrupted. It felt weird calling someone who felt so authoritative by their first name, but I went with it anyway.
“Okay, Annie…” I hesitated, ” I’m really sorry but I am really rubbish at putting my feelings into words, so there’s a strong chance this won’t make any sense”
“Nonsense, Evelyn, you’re not rubbish at anything. What do you like to do in your spare time?” Annie asked. I answered, slightly confused as to the relevancy of this question, “Oh, I love the sea. Anything to do with the sea. Kitesurfing, sailing, Kayaking, swimming, you name it, i love it”
“Brilliant Evelyn. That’s brilliant. I used to love water sports myself, back in the day” she laughed. ” Now what I want you to do for me, is try to put what you feel into words by comparing it to the sea.”
I’ll admit, I found it extremely pointless and somewhat stupid at the time, but it was really a trust-the-process kind of thing, and so I began anyway.
“Alright.”, I stated.
“So for a lot of the time, I’m okay. I’m fine, I’m just, neutral, I guess. As though I’m looking out at the sea from the comfort from my boat. And then everything will change within a second. As if the waves come, big waves, and the ocean rises and I’m submerged in panic, and anxiety, and stress as though a huge body of water containing these emotions has come over my head.”
I was shocked for a minute that I had just successfully put into words exactly how I felt and I looked at Annie in awe. She definitely knows what she’s doing anyway, that’s for sure. She then looked back at me, seemingly pleased with herself, and me, for establishing my state of mind. “Well, that was very poetically phrased Miss Evelyn, you should be proud of yourself for that, that was a great first step.” she told me. I was rather proud to be honest, I have most certainly never phrased my feelings that well before.
“Now is the really challenging bit though. Finding out how we can stop this so it won’t continue to be such a huge part of your life. Is there any particular time when these waves come over you, Evelyn?” she questioned, scribbling something on a clipboard as she spoke.
I didn’t know how on Earth to answer that question. I didn’t know myself, to be honest, so what was I supposed to tell her?
“Quite honestly, I don’t know Annie, sorry.” I replied.
“That’s okay sweetheart, no need to apologize, that’s what I’m here for” she reassured, and I considered myself lucky that she was so kind.
“I want you to tell me, if you can remember, the last time you had one of these big-overwhelming-wave moments.”
I thought for a second. A long second, probably closer to a minute, really, before I spoke. “I think it was at school, when one of my teachers asked me to present something, and I started having this huge wave moment, which confused me because I used to love presenting stuff, and now it makes me want to cry.”
“Ah yes, I understand dear. Is there any person in particular in your class that could contribute to this feeling, do you think?” she asked me.
“Yes. I think there could be.”
After telling my therapist this along with many other stories, and a lot more writing on her notepad, she decided that she wanted me to try something for her. She said she really believes I could do it and there’s no pressure if I can’t because if it doesn’t she has meds that would work as well in worse case scenario, and so I listened carefully.
“Evelyn, after meeting you, and hearing your story, I believe I know where this stems from”
she said. “You need validation from others to make yourself feel like you’re worthy, as everyone does sometimes, but you’re insecure about yourself to the point where it’s causing great panic attacks- or waves, to think people don’t like you. So I want you to try and understand something. You’re a good girl, Evelyn. I don’t know you well but from what I’ve seen today and from what I’ve heard from you, people do like you. You are a kind-hearted young woman and I know there is confidence in there somewhere, but we just have to find it!!”
I smiled, actually “smiled” is an understatement. I grinned from ear to ear that Annie said those things about me, and that maybe people didn’t hate me after all. She smiled back.
“Wait, so, what am I to try for you?” I asked, still quite confused.
“Oh yes, I beg your pardon. I want you to take control of that boat, and try your very hardest not to let the waves overcome you. If you feel as though they are coming on, steer the boat to safety. Remember that you’re a good person, and “so what if people don’t like me, because the people I care about like me and that’s enough ” I need you to breathe, and think, and not let the waves of panic anywhere near your lovely boat, okay? And if this doesn’t work, then by all means come back to me and we can figure something else out, but I’m confident that this will work.”
And the strangest thing is, I was confident it would work as well. I thought I could do it if I tried. Let go of all the panic inside of me as best I could, and try to think rationally instead of letting the wave attack me. I could do it. I could, if I tried. And I wanted to try. The hour of the session had miraculously gone by already, and I thanked Annie for all of her help, looking forward to seeing her the next Thursday to tell her if her plan worked. If her idea that she was so confident in would be effective and help me, or if it would fall to pieces and do the opposite. But I was willing to try though, and the fact she got me to be that motivated about a coping method was amazing enough already. I thanked Annie and said goodbye, and I walked out of her office with a small smile playing on my lips.
Mam was waiting for me in the car when I got out. She looked worried and rather stressed, wondering what the outcome of today’s session would be, I guessed. She asked me as soon as I closed the door of the front seat, “Well, Evvie, how did you get on love?”
I looked her in the eye and smiled.
“I’ve got my boat”, I said, “and I’m ready to sail it”.
Mam looked confused but didn’t question me any further, instead she just bopped her head and smiled at me, and so we went home for dinner.
Hi! My name is Éabha, I live in Dublin and I love reading and playing instruments and singing. I go to Westport every Summer and I saw this competition on the window of Tertulia so I decided to enter it! It’s been a while since I put my mind to writing, so I thought I would give this a go as I love challenging myself and it seemed like great fun. I really enjoyed writing my story, and thank you so much for this opportunity!
