We’re delighted to publish the winners and runners-up from our 2022 short story competition for Irish teens, in association with Tertulia Books. This year our theme was “Belonging” and our guest judge was Claire Hennessy.
In January by Grace McNally (age 18) was our senior category winner.
Grace McNally is a Leaving Cert. student in Westport, Co. Mayo. She learned how to write before she could talk and hasn’t stopped since.
In January
The woods outside my house cast a spell on me. They hold a green tint of mystery that I’m so desperate to delve inside of. They call out my name and beg for me to venture deep within their secrets.
Maybe I should restart. My name is June. My parents are crazy hippies that thought it would be so “spiritual” to name their children after the months of the year because of course as you know, the months of the year are just some insane conspiracy made by the government to keep humankind in line and they’ve exploited it thoroughly. To summarise: my parents are crazy. As hard as they’ve tried, I’ve never understood their beliefs. All they ever try to do is pour it down my throat but I just don’t like it. And living with every person you know and everything in your life being something that makes you feel out of place is hard. it’s more than hard; it’s unbearable. It used to be okay when my brother was around, January. We were twins and at every possible chance we could, we’d get away from our parents during their crazy group sessions about the universe or gardening classes. We had each other and it made our life okay. He went missing. One day just gone. My parents wouldn’t do anything. They said he had been taken by gods and angels on earth. I searched. He was never found. Not a hint or a clue or anything that could tell us what happened. I was the only one who seemed to care. I still am. Every day I look for him. It gets me away from the chaos of my home, but I’m always left with a taste in my mouth of failure. He is out there. I just can’t find him. I am not looking in the right places.
It was a Tuesday. Just Tuesday. Any other day. Tuesday. I was walking. And I stopped outside the woods. It occurred to me that I never looked for January in the woods. But this always occurred to me every time I walked past the woods. Yet I’ve never walked in. And, of course, this wouldn’t be a good story if I never walked in. So I walked in. The woods had long terrifying trees that stretched so high the tops peered down at me as I walked. Their shade of green was so dark it could’ve been mistaken for black. The trees whispered to each other. They had terrible secrets that sang across the whole forest. Only they could understand. I was out of place. I could no longer see the entrance I came in from. I’d only been walking a couple of minutes and I already felt I was in too deep. Maybe I walked into another world. I felt sweaty. I wanted to turn around. I wanted to run. I wanted to—
“Leave.”
An old woman stood ahead of me. She had long white hair that matched the long white tunic she wore. I began to reply but she interrupted.
“Turn around now. The entrance will appear only if you go now.”
I couldn’t speak. I turned and walked away only to be outside the forest again. I ran home feeling like crying. I couldn’t explain the weight I felt on my shoulders. I walked in the front door and my parents were there. They looked shocked.
“What happened?” I asked, my voice cracking
“Just go to bed; rest will wash the pain,” my mum replied as she touched my shoulder.
I walked away feeling their eyes on me. I felt so drowsy all of a sudden. I couldn’t explain the emotions that travelled through my body in that moment. The minute my head touched the pillow I was asleep. I dreamt of January. He was running through the woods screaming. My parents chased him as they cried. The woods just kept going, they had no end. January shouted my name. But the woods kept going and going and going. I woke up. It was night. I don’t remember how but all of a sudden I was out the door and running towards the woods. I couldn’t stay away. I looked back at the house to my parents’ faces at the window. I looked toward the forest. Its colour was completely gone. It was just black. A dark black abyss. And I stepped forward. I walked into the darkness. For January.
Time works differently amidst the leaves. I don’t know if it does, but it feels like it. The darkness felt so overwhelming I had a lump in my throat. I could barely call his name.
“January?”
I yelled every few seconds. It echoed then silence would return. Not even a rustle from the branches. Shadows covered every inch of the forest and I was so afraid I would walk past someone and not even notice. I had no flashlight. I didn’t even have a jacket but I couldn’t tell. The cold was an inanimate object getting in my way at this point. I used my fear to push me forward. I was walking for at least an hour. All I needed to do was get to the heart of the forest. I don’t know what told me that but I knew it in my mind. How would I even know when I got to the heart?
I reached a small clearing. When I looked up there was a gap within the trees. A tiny slit of moonlight travelled to where I stood. I felt the light across my body. It was surreal. I just wanted to go home. I wanted things back to how they were. I’d never felt more alone.
“I remember telling you to leave.”
The old woman stood before me.
“I just want to understand,” I replied timidly. She sighed. She began to walk away. I wanted to call after her.
“JUNE.” A scream echoed through the forest. I turned around to see someone running. I didn’t know whether to follow the old woman or run after the stranger. I curled into a ball. I was shaking and close to tears. I stayed wrapped up within myself until I felt the heat of daylight shining down. I looked up to the sun pouring its warmth upon me. I looked around and the trees were green again. This forest had me under a spell. I didn’t feel like I belonged there yet I couldn’t shake the spell. January couldn’t be here because I would feel him. My one thing that felt like home. I would know if he was here. The taste appeared in my tongue again. The failure almost choked me. I stood up and walked away. This forest was a lie. It wanted me. Not to help me. Just me. As I walked I couldn’t remember if I was walking away from the clearing or walking past it. The unsureness was stirring a panic that I had to shake off or I wouldn’t get out. I had to get out.
“Go back to the heart,” he said
I flung around to see January. He stood beside my parents.
Mum spoke. “There once was a boy. A little strange enchanted boy, they say he wandered very very far.”
Dad spoke. “He found you and showed you the world he had created.”
Mum spoke. “We tried to stop you but you were so young and happy, you followed him everywhere.”
Dad spoke. “January never went missing. You did.”
Tears were spilling down my face. I didn’t want to blink in case they disappeared.
Mum walked over to me and kneeled in front of me. “We called every day to the gods to bring you home.”
“January?” I cried out. I ran over to him and just as I reached out they all disappeared. I fell to the ground sobbing. I didn’t know what was happening. I just wanted my brother back. I just wanted to go home. I looked up to the old woman sitting on the tree.
“His name is not January, it is Phaunos. God of Forests. You found your brother. He is all around you.”
She leaned back on a tree. “Death is nothing at all. It does not count. Not to him.”
I wiped my tears away and sat up. “Who are you?”
She laughed. “He loved us so much, he took us away forever, locked in his prison. I told you to leave to give us another chance but he got you too.”
I stood up. “Who are you?” I shouted
“My name is June,” she replied. “I am you.”
Wind danced across every single leaf in the forest. They were whispering again.
“We met January when we were children. He was our brother but not our parents’ child, he took us away from the house we hated so much and made us laugh. He tricked us then he trapped us. January never went missing. We did. He brought us here and kept us locked away from the world. You can’t leave this forest. He is the forest.”
January wasn’t my brother. He is some god my parents probably called. He stole me.
I ran. I wanted to find the entrance. I could hear my parents shouting my name. They were looking for me.
“I’m in here. I’m in here,” I screamed over and over running and running looking for a way out. I ran and ran crying and yelling. I ran so hard my chest was hurting and my legs felt weak. I ran until my legs gave way and I landed on the ground sobbing.
“You found me.”
I looked up to see my brother, whatever his name, whoever he was.
“I’ll never leave your side again, June, it’s me and you now.”
He helped me up and I stood before him.
“Am I dead?” I asked
“Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you. And the old life we lived together is untouched, unchanged. Call me by my old familiar name. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still, sister.”
He held out his hand. I lifted mine to hold his. I felt peace and comfort. He is where I belong.
I stood up and we walked away deep into the green forest.
